Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
