So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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