Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
