1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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