today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
