when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
