So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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