i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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