Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
