i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
