Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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