Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
