Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
