I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
