I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
