she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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