this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
