Tell her she can't have a vagina
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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