he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
