She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
