I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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