The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
