i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
