I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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