If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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