Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
