dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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