someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
