I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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