So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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