And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
