Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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