I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
