i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
