hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
