It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
