Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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