I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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