sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
