If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize