It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
