Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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