South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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