and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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