the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
