I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
