Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
