mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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