I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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