Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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