I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
