I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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