I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
