Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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