You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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