He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
