My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
