talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
