i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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