Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
