I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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