i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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