I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
