i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
did you just send me my own nude
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
