I'm going to jail i love you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
