You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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