I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
