I just saw a hot homeless man
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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