she woke up with a sticky ear
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
