just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He called his prostate his "boner button".
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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