i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
