don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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