3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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