My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize