dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
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