I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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