I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize