I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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