omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
