I heard we made out
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
