My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
