dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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