don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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