Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
