She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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