It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
