everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
