Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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