Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
