when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
