On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
