it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
