he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize