the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
