and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
