I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
