Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
