I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
